A Great Sea Of Everything
A Blender Story
“It is the devastation…that we all experience, that turns us from being a badly drawn or a half-formed person into a fully realized human being.” Nick Cave
I’ve been told by dozens of people—therapists, a poet, religious folk, and people that shouldn’t be listened to—that harmful events can make a person thoughtful, caring, and empathetic. In those instances, I have found the remark enraging and with not enough regard for the enormity it takes to carry harm until miraculously, and if deeply fortunate, one stumbles into healing. It isn’t a guarantee a prize will be found at the bottom of every box of rancid Cracker Jack, no matter how much human optimism wants it to be true.
Those statements about the positive on the other side of harm were said during the early days when I began to understand how much healing would be necessary to reclaim possibility, as well as when I was submerged beneath the densest depths of the deepest and darkest part of a Great Sea of Nothing. Told a prize existed, when I didn’t know if I’d ever reach the surface, made my grueling healing project feel further away. And also, what the actual [insert curse word]. If throwing a person’s brain and emotions in a running blender without a lid were a necessary evil to build a more humane and evolved human…I choose skipping the blender and the prize, for remaining a mushroom on the human forest floor.
Recently, a relational quote from singer, songwriter Nick Cave came during an interview on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Colbert plucked lyrics from a song by Leonard Cohen.
“…And Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water
And he spent a long time watching from his lonely wooden tower
And when he knew for certain only drowning men could see him
He said all men will be sailors then until the sea shall free them
But he himself was broken, long before the sky would open
Forsaken, almost human, he sank beneath your wisdom like a stone.”Colbert finished by saying to Cave, “It is the drowning.”
Cave replied “It is the devastation…that we all experience, that turns us from being a badly drawn or a half-formed person into a fully realized human being.”
*Quoted material begins at 17:23, though the entire interview is worth the time.
As I watched the interview, I expected to feel enraged. I dearly wanted to feel enraged. A few days later, rage still hadn’t arrived. Instead, I felt something within the realm of understanding. Interestingly, while writing this, the Great Sea of Nothing announced it too had evolved and needed a name change.
As an aside, it’s been my experience that putting thoughts on paper or screen can bring awareness something shifted when no was paying attention.
My interpretation of this latest me-revelation is that beneath a nothing-filled sea, I at long last have come to find the very beginning of my everything.
BUILD A BETTER HUMAN THEORY UPDATE:
Do I feel differently about the blender experience because I now lean in alignment with the “build a better human theory?” No. Nor will I be joining those having gratitude for events bringing forth hard-earned humanity. I don’t believe in being grateful for wounding.
At this moment, I am grateful my experiences didn’t turn me into a blender. And, I am grateful I have the privilege of seeing a baby glimmer that just might be my version of the surface.
The full song Suzanne by Leonard Coen